


Where there is love, there is pain.

by Aeris444



Category: Football RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-17
Updated: 2012-10-17
Packaged: 2017-11-16 12:25:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/539395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeris444/pseuds/Aeris444
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fernando discovers Amore's secret... But will he share his own?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Where there is love, there is pain.

When Amore heard Fernando open the door of their hotel room, he immediately shut his laptop. But not fast enough.

“Hey! What were you doing?” Fernando asked visibly amused by Amore’s embarrassment. “Looking for some porn?”

Fernando laughed as the defender protested “No! I…I was just…”

“I’m joking!” Fernando reassured him. The striker passed next to Amore and ruffled his hair. “Can I take the bathroom first?”

“Oh… Yeah!”

Amore felt queasy. What could have happened if Fernando had seen what he was looking on Internet?

Nonetheless, when he heard the sound of the shower, Amore re-opened his laptop. On the screen appeared a picture of Javi and Maria, cuddled together, and happily smiling. And Amore felt his heart shatter, once again.

He knew he was hurting himself more and more. But he couldn’t stop looking at these pictures and tweets. But he couldn’t stop to look at them. It was like a drug. You know it’s bad for you but you’re totally unable to stop. Even if each new picture broke his heart more.

But Javi was so beautiful. His happiness making him even more attractive. He was literally glowing. And Amore would have given anything he has to be the reason of Javi’s happiness.

Of course, he knew that was a lost cause. Javi loved Maria and has never showed any interest in boys even for casual fun like some of their teammates.

But you can’t command love.

Lost in his thoughts, Amore didn’t hear the shower stop neither Fernando coming back in the room. He only felt the hand on his shoulders. He jumped and looked at Fer, startled.

“Amore? Do you want to talk about it?” Fernando asked gently with a nod towards the screen where Javi was still smiling broadly.

The defender shook his head. He wanted to close his laptop and go hide as far as he could, hoping that Fernando has never seen this and understood everything. But Fernando sat next to him, smiling.

That reassured Amore a little. There were some gay players in the team but he wasn’t aware of Fernando’s thoughts about it. And he feared his friend would find it disgusting or against nature. But the striker’s smile was kind and his blue eyes were gentle.

“You know I’m here if you want to talk about it… Even later.” Fernando resumed.

Amore nodded. And thought about talking to Fer. That could help him, finally voicing his feeling, his pain. But he was afraid he couldn’t control his emotions.

Fer must have sensed his hesitation as he put an arm around his shoulders and asked:

“For how long? “

“Almost two years.”

“I’m sorry.”

It wasn’t pity Amore heard in Fernando’s voice, only a sincere concern. And that was what finally made him talk.

“It’s so hard you know… Seeing him every day, being his teammate, his friend. But I don’t want to change that. Not seeing him would be worse. It’s like a dead end where I’m trapped with no escape…”

Fernando didn’t interrupt him but his embrace became tighter.

“It hurts so much… And I can’t even let it show… I mustn’t.”

“You can, Amore.”

The defender shook his head.

“Yes, you can… You don’t have to always be though. You have the right to cry sometimes. To howl, to break everything around you, to be mad.” Fer told him, gently stroking his back.

“Men don’t cry!” Amore murmured without conviction.

“Bullshit… You have the right to be hurt!”

Fernando had known him for years; he knew how Amore always wanted to be strong, even if it was only a façade. He was also the only one Amore trusted enough to finally let go.

Amore’s body shivered. Fer hugged him tighter and finally, after nearly two years of silent suffering, Amore cried. He cried till he felt so exhausted he wasn’t able to move, till Fer’s tee-shirt was soaked with tears, till his pain started to lessen a little.

“Thank you” he murmured, letting go of Fer who has grabbed his torso to help him calm down.

“It’s nothing… You know, me too, I’m in love with someone who doesn’t love me…” The striker confessed.

Amore wiped off his tears, surprised by the sudden confession.

“Oh? Who?”

“I’ll tell you one day… But for now, we must sleep. We’re leaving early tomorrow.”

“Yeah… And thanks again. I’m glad to have talked to you. It helped.”

“That’s what matters…”

Fernando smiled but Amore could see some sadness in his beautiful eyes.

As Fer went to his bed, Amore showered and when he came back, the striker laid on his back, looking at the ceiling.

Amore went to his bed, too and turned the light off.

He thought about what Fernando has thought him. About Javi. And for the first time in two years, he could imagine a life without his painful love for Javi.

“Fer?”

“Yes?”

“Why must love hurt so much?”

“I don’t know… To make it more beautiful when it finally goes well?”

“Perhaps… But that’s rubbish!” Amore pouted. “Friendship is better, no? Look at you and me! We have been friends for so long and no arguments, no hurting! It’s far simplier like that!”

“You can’t have only friendship… “Fer answered in a very serious tone. “And, you know, sometimes, friendship hurts, too.”

Amore didn’t really understand Fer’s point but as sleep was taking over him, he didn’t search for more explanation.

“Goodnight, Fernando.”

“Goodnight, Amore.”

And Amore didn’t see the sadness in Fernando’s eyes this time.


End file.
